70's Rock Must Die
CDEP - $9.00 | 12"EP - out of print
Remember the 70's? C'mon, of course you do. The Bee Gees, John Travolta, and Ford Pintos exploding on rear impact? Well, LARD hasn't forgotten. And they are dying to share those memories on the title track of their new EP, 70's Rock Must Die. 70's Rock Must Die is an epic screaming for a music video. It's a trip down Melrose with long hair and leather- Jello, Al, and Paul flipping the bird as they drive. And, yes, that actually IS Jello singing.
As you know, we're so into this little ditty at ATR that we have purchased a 1979 FORD Pinto that will be auctioned off on eBay the day of release - February 7th, 2000. If you like this, there is plenty of merchandise to go along with it: iron-on t-shirt transfers, buttons, posters, y ou name it
As you may have surmised, the track 70's Rock Must Die is a bit of a musical departure for LARD. But don't fret, the rest of the EP harkens back to the LARD that we all know and love. Here are 2 new gems boasting crushing guitars, freakish noises and Jello's wailing vocals - the pulverizing sounds that have come to characterize LARD.
This is the first LARD release in over 2 1/2 years. In fact, these tracks didn't make it onto their last album, and we couldn't keep them on the shelves waiting for the next.
"Abject, bow down, for this is your path...there is no other!" -Frank Kozik
"You wouldn't think JELLO BIAFRA would attempt something as anathema to him as a turgid, seven-minute 70s rock anthem. But the hilarious title-track here shows the ex-DEAD KENNEDYS leader will go just about anywhere to make an acrid comment. No kidding, you could slip this baby on any urban classic rock station, in between the obnoxious, puerile shock-jock rants, and the mindless headbangers would eat up its Stones/Aerosmith/Zep/AC/DC cock-rock riff like mice who don't notice the trap around the cheese until the steel-trap surprise lyrics slam into them! (And even hard rock fans who never notice ridiculously awful metal lyrics won't be able to escape this hysterical chorus refrain, "Well c'mon! C'mon! 70s rock must die!" Spinal Tap would be hard-pressed to lampoon the genre better; Biafra even dons a plausible Axl Rose voice for the occasion.
In fact, this send-up is so good, a thousand 80s hair bands in head bands, leopard-skin pants, and muscle t-shirts (and their spandex girlfriends) spring to mind like an outbreak of a styling mousse plague. But whereas Spinal Tap was just for cackles, Biafra's loathing is obvious. He decries the ceaseless perpetuation of the vapid rock charicature that punk bands like Dead Kennedys meant to crush, while lamenting that the opposite has since occurred: Nowadays, "Alternative" bands just warm over the same wanky riffs with a smart-ass'itude, and suddenly the genre goes from cartoon to credible? New shiny bottle, same fetid product. In any case, this is drop-dead funny.
As for the rest, "Volcanus 2000 (We Wipe the World)" returns Lard to its original 1988 industrial footing provided by collaborator AL JOURGENSEN of MINISTRY, slinging a similar sneer at all the self-conscious, neo-satanic slummers who want to be the next Nine Inch Nails. The "mountains of trash" in the coda sound too real to anyone who has seen the stink and odious rot of landfill like Staten Island's near New Jersey, or gotten a whiff downstream of a passing garbage barge. But it could just as easily refer to your average record reviewer1s daunting, decrepit new-CD pile. Finally, "Ballad of Marshall Ledbetter" is a fine metallic-industrial stomper. Biafra remains one of the great brains in all of underground music, and it's good to hear him putting his twisted jibes to a beat again. In any form!"- Jack Rabid/The Big Takeover