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Okay, okay, so it's a currently popular e-mail that's being sent to everyone and their mother by everyone else, but it's still a neat list. It's certainly an indicator of the left's worst fears/suspicions at this point in history... 1. Get that abortion you've always wanted (like any woman actually wants to get one). 2. Drink your last clean glass of water. 3. Cash your social security check. 4. See a doctor of your own choosing. 5. Spend quality time with your draft age child/grandchild. 6. Visit Syria, or any foreign country for that matter. 7. Get that gas mask you've been putting off buying. 8. Hoard gasoline. 10. Borrow books from library before they're banned - Constitutional law books, Catcher in the Rye, Harry Potter, Tropic of Cancer, etc. 11. If you have an idea for an art piece involving a crucifix - do it now. 12. Come out - then go back in - HURRY! 13. Jam in all the Alzheimer's stem cell research you can. 14. Stay out late before the curfews start! 15. Go see Marilyn Manson (or Jello Biafra or any other artist that challenges the First Amendment) before he(/she) has his(their) "accident". 16. Go see Mount Rushmore before the Reagan addition. 17. Use the phrase - "you can't do that - this is America". 18. Take a walk in Yosemite, without being hit by a snowmobile or a base-jumper. 19. Enroll your kid in an accelerated art or music class. 20. Start your school day without a prayer. 21. Pass on the secrets of evolution to future generations. 22. Learn French. 23. Attend a commitment ceremony with your gay friends. 24. Take a factory tour anywhere in the US. 25. Try to take photographs of animals on the endangered species list. 26. Visit Florida before the polar ice caps melt. 27. Visit Nevada before it becomes radioactive. 28. Visit Alaska before "The Big Spill". 29. Visit Massachusetts while it is still a State. 30. Get on the waiting list to move to Canada.
11/18/04: Warning! Satire Ahead!
Warning! Dangerous new STD hits US!
The Centers for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of sexually transmitted disease. This disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea lecthim (pronounced "gonna re-elect him"). Many victims have contracted it after having been screwed for the past 4 years, and in spite of having taken measures to protect themselves from this especially virulent disease.
Cognitive sequellae of individuals infected with Gonorrhea lecthim include, but are not limited to: Anti-social personality disorder traits; delusions of grandeur with a distinct messianic flavor; chronic mangling of the English language; extreme cognitive dissonance; inability to incorporate new information; pronounced xenophobia; inability to accept responsibility for actions; exceptional cowardice masked by acts of misplaced bravado; ignorance of geography and history; tendencies toward creating evangelical theocracies; and a strong propensity for categorical, all-or nothing behavior.
"6 BUSTED IN E. VILLAGE ATTACK ON COPSNovember 7, 2004 -- Six rowdy concert-goers were arrested in the East Village last night for tossing glass bottles at cops dispersing the crowd, police said.
More than 200 people had gathered for an afternoon concert in Tompkins Square Park where the punk group Leftover Crack sang songs urging violence against cops.
As the concert started to wind down at 6 p.m., witnesses said several unruly people started to skirmish with arriving officers. "I'm not going to lie. They were throwing bottles at the cops," said spectator Caroline Coughlin, 18. "But it was in reaction to the cops' violence." Four men and a woman face charges ranging from disorderly conduct to inciting a riot to resisting arrest.
A fifth man faces a criminal-mischief count for smashing the windows of a police car and drug charges after he was found with some leftover crack in his pocket. No one on either side was injured. "
Alternative Tentacles recording artist, Leftover Crack, have ended the latest leg of their extensive touring with a chaotic night in Arizona. The events at the Brickyard in Phoenix, Arizona and their implications as to the future of Leftover Crack have been hotly debated on the internet. The band's frontman, Stza Crack wanted to set the record straight and stress that the band has NOT broken up and no shows will be cancelled on the band's upcoming European and Southern US tours.
"First off we're are very excited to have four more years to slander a tried & true American Villain as our "leader", for a second we thought our 'Fuck World Trade' record cover was gonna be completely dated after a mere 2 months after it's release. Oh yeah, we are not broken up, we'll see the rest of you in Europe (Nov.10th-28th) & in the southeast of the U.S. (Dec. 10th-20th)"
So doubters beware, Leftover Crack are headed your way, lock up your liquor cabinets and spread the word!
P.S.- And don't believe everything you read on an internet messageboard!
... and don't forget that half of the country agrees that Dubya's a terrible Commander-In-Chief. Also, keep in mind that 51% of the vote is not a mandate, at least not in reality (in the Administration's reality it is, but their distrust of facts and truth is well-documented).
First up was the always awesome psyche-distorto-freakout-jam of Comets On Fire, followed by the ridiculously out of control rockin' punk of Fleshies. After these two local acts, the visiting teams got a chance to strut their stuff. Slim Cessna's Auto Club wowed everyone with their Texas-fried country-goth-rock-twang-abilly. A.T.'s latest signing The Bellrays were next, and made good on their reputation as one of the hottest live acts in the land with their patented vision of "Maximum Rock and Soul"!
Finally, the headliners- Jello Biafra with The Melvins- hit the stage, facing a sweaty, warmed-up, enthusiastic capacity crowd. They tore the roof off, stomped it into a bajillion pieces, then reassembled it with the combo of Jello's razor-sharp vocals and the Melvins power-tool tuneage! A Rock Miracle, to be sure, and one which pleased the leathered and lathered multitudes in attendence!
We had a great time, and we'd like to thank all the fans who came out and the 5 great bands who really made it happen. Props to Slim's for a smooth, rockin' Halloween, and a "Best Costume" award to the ape-girl (who was really a guy) with the AT Bat tattoo in the middle of her/his back. There were a ton of rad costumes, so competition was fierce! -Jesse the Male Mail
P.S.- We've all been busy since Halloween with the whole election thing, hence the late posting. We have some of the limited edition posters we had at the show available now through this site. We'll have the last of the 25th Anniversary shirts up on-line soon also.
From the Guardian UK
Bush tops film badman poll
Thursday October 28, 2004
George Bush may be neck-and-neck in the polls with John Kerry, but there is at least one survey that puts him on top - as cinema's best baddie.
The American president was awarded the dubious honour of Movie Villain of the Year for his part in Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11 by 10,000 film fans polled by Total Film magazine.
Mr Bush beat stiff competition from Spider-Man 2's Doctor Octopus, played by Alfred Molina, and from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre's wannabe lumberjack, Leatherface. Even Gollum from The Lord of the Rings and Kill Bill assassin Elle Driver, played by Daryl Hannah, proved no match for the White House's current tenant.
Total Film editor Matt Mueller said Mr Bush was "absolutely terrifying" in Fahrenheit 9/11: "He looked like a man who had lost control - the famous scene where he sits there in a school, absolutely paralysed, after being told about the twin towers, is just one example.
"Lots of people saw [the movie] and movie-goers are saying that there's no one like George Bush to strike fear into people's hearts."