Try some LARD - it does wonders for the heart! Once
described as the "coolest band that never existed", LARD is composed
of four parts MINISTRY (Al Jourgensen, Paul Barker, Bill Reiflin,
with Jeff Ward performing on selected tracks) and one shot of JELLO
(BIAFRA that is- former DEAD KENNEDY and renown spoken word
performer). In the ten plus years since their first EP (The Power
Of Lard- Alternative Tentacles 1989), the lads have but one live
performance to show for themselves. Yet they have somehow become a
household word. Crushing guitars, disturbing noises, and JELLO's
signature shrieks have come to characterize the demon that is LARD.
1990 saw the bloody birth of their first full-length, The Last
Temptation Of Reid. After seven years, they squeezed out another
dazzler, Pure Chewing Satisfaction (1997). Now, with the dawning of
a new millennium, LARD graciously treats us to another dose.
slight musical departure for the band, the title track of their latest
EP, "70's Rock Must Die", (which hit the streets January 2000). Featuring the late Jeff Ward
on drums, LARD recorded the song while in the studio for The Last
Temptation of Reid. They intended to use "70's Rock Must Die" for a
separate side-project entitled, LEATHER AND HAIR. One brainstorm
for the cover art sported the band in blond "POISON-style" wigs,
riding Harleys equipped with training wheels. However, as they
never finished a B-side, the recording sat in the closet for years.
Finally, after much encouragement from Jello, Al mixed down the
song, a long time cult favorite of all who had heard the rough
version. Anxious to share their seventies memories (c'mon- THE BEE
GEE's, John Travolta, and Ford Pintos- you know you love it), LARD
has created an epic screaming for a music video.
Lest, the rock
power should start to overwhelm your soul, the two subsequent songs
will crush you with the sensibilities of a jackhammer. Though
recorded during the Pure Chewing Satisfaction sessions, the tracks
seemed to pack more punch on their own, and were consequently left
off the album. "Vulcanus 2000" offers a glimpse into the Sci-Fi
nightmare created by humanityıs excessive waste and resulting
refuse; in other words, visualizing a landfill springing to life.
The final track, "The Ballad of Marshall Ledbetter", details the
real-life antics of a frustrated, young citizen who locked himself
in the Florida State Capitol in Tallahassee, and demanded (among
other items) a veggie pizza, six hundred and sixty-six donuts and a
chat with Lemmy and Jello.
To accompany the EP, Alternative
Tentacles auctioned a metallic orange '79 Ford Pinto. That's
right- complete with leopard
print seatcovers, a dashboard hula girl, rearview disco ball, and
snazzy mud flaps. (And surprisingly enough, a
Ford Pinto wasn't easy to come by!) After extended search,
our faithful office manager finally stumbled upon one in the
desolate suburb of Hayward, CA. During the voyage to retrieve the
vehicle, a bevy of Pintos suddenly appeared, tucked away in sunny
Hayward. Yup, cholesterol-free lifestyle getting you down- do
yourself a favor and suck down the LARD.